Happy Bisexual Pride Week!
Like the title? I'm all about 'greater than two'. Because FUCK THE BINARY that's why. When I first decided I would be brave enough to produce my own podcast, there were a few topics ready and waiting to burst out of me - like an orgasm. Unsurprisingly, my first series "2020 an Orgasmic Oddity" was top of the list. A very close second was the topic of bisexuality.
If you identify as straight or gay, ask yourself, how many people do you know are "out and proud" bisexuals? Now compare that list to out and proud homosexuals? Now absorb the fact that, there are actually more bisexuals in the world, than there are homosexuals.
So, if this is really the case, you might be wondering: why are bisexuals less "visible"? Believe me, as a bisexual, I've wondered this a lot.
It is partly because, most people presume others to be either gay or straight, depending on which gender they happen to be dating at the time. Think about it: how many times in your life, have you heard/used the term 'SWITCHING TEAMS'? Or 'they used to be gay, now they are straight'. The notion that being continually bisexual - even when partnered up is known as 'bi-erasure'. Our identity is generally not respected or taken seriously enough. Not to mention, people seem to be more or less attracted to bisexuals based on either curiosity or insecurity. Little wonder a good proportion of bisexuals remain closeted throughout their lives. We aren't being trusted, believed or taken seriously.
Using Freddie Mercury as an example, he was married to a woman, then he started dating men and because of his flamboyant manner of behaviour and dress, he was immediately presumed to be gay, even though, he always maintained that he was bisexual. The hardest thing for people to understand in all this is, that even if he did have a stronger sexual attraction to men, he was still attracted to women. Just not as much, perhaps. This did not mean he was 'mostly gay, and a little bit straight'.
It just means he was BISEXUAL. Now repeat after me: "Freddie Mercury was bi". Good job!
A more vocal, active bi-pride movement has emerged in recent decades and we have had to yell that little bit louder and bang our drums that little bit louder - because people's lives were literally depending on it. Even with the greater acceptance of homosexuality in society, BI-ERASURE* had gone wildly unchecked. (*CLICK HERE, for a more in depth analysis )
Because of bi-erasure, bisexuals rate highly in stats related to domestic violence, rape, sexual abuse, depression, anxiety and suicide. Youth statistics around mental health can be found here.
Let's face it, if pressed, you could probably name a few female bisexual role models in the media, but how many bisexual male role models can you name? How many bisexual characters in TV shows and movies are actually referred to as 'bisexual'?
<<And how many of those characters aren't also depicted as somehow morally flawed or psychologically fucked up?
Women's more fluid sexuality might be seen as 'more natural' (and even be encouraged, by men who view female sexuality as a performative thing for their self-focussed enjoyment) but the notion that bisexuality is as genuine and as strong and as undeniable a preference as being gay or straight, still goes flying over the heads of a lot of people.
Research on the topic of male bisexuality has only recently stopped insisting on using 'erection' detection (porn viewing) experiments as a measure to prove or disprove the notion of male bisexuality. I kid you not. We are still living in the dark ages.
So, in order to normalise bisexuality and normalise conversations around sex and sexuality in general, I thought what better way to prove my point, than to sit down with my youngest son Jack and have a chat about the fact that we are BOTH bisexual. This week's podcast release is part 1 of a new series: 'IXNAY ON THE INARY-BAY' dropping into your favourite podcast platform on SEPT 15.
I wasn't sure how this interview would go. After all, it was my very first! But I was so pleased with the outcome!
The non-binary theme will be around for the next few episodes. Next up (Sept 29) I will be speaking to delightful artist and musician Jessie Ray who talks about spending several years intertwined with the lesbian community to then re-emerge a few years ago as bisexual (and engaged to be married) they identify as non-binary.
OMG folks, it was a wonderfully intricate conversation. I look forward to your feedback on all of it. Then in October I will be bringing you a couple of interviews with some beautiful trans folks. I feel so fortunate to know such kind and giving individuals who were only too happy to share their deeply personal stories with US.
For more fun and frivolity around being BI: check out my INSTAGRAM FEED this coming week some cool bi trivia. And if you want to hear more about my own personal coming out story, please check out this WONDERFUL WEBSITE to see a testimonial I posted four years ago - and is home to lots of testimonials from other brave, proud and vocal bi people, who want to be SEEN as #stillbisexual, regardless of how their bisexuality is expressed.
Make sure you do click on the pic way above, of OUR QUEEN Evan Rachel Wood, for her coming out story, because it really covers a lot of ground, explaining all of the MYTHS, problems and pitfalls encountered by people in the bisexual community. The pic of Sharon Stone also has a good story attached. And for a super deep dive on the topic of Bisexuality, READ THIS.
I dream of the day when we are all so out and fucking proud that NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANYONE ELSE'S SEXUALITY ANY MORE. Because it will stop being a big deal.
In the meantime, if you are bi, I'm sending you all my love. These podcasts are dedicated to YOU.